So I’m sitting here with Christmas Day only minutes away and all I can think is bah bloody humbug!
I hate this, because it’s not me, the real me loves Christmas! I look forward to it every year, I’m so excited like a big kid and it’s my favourite time. But this year I’m really feeling what depression is.
I don’t have anything to be overly be depressed about, yes I’ve been through so much shit over the last few years and changes I have no control over are going to happen. But in all there are people much worse off than me and I have the most amazing friends and family around me. I’m trying so hard to be happy and excited but the big black hole of depression is bringing me down.
It’s feeding on any small anxiety of little things that upset or worry me and is filling me with dread which is then suffocating my happiness. I honestly could just hide away alone in my bed tomorrow but instead for others I won’t, I won’t let this depression win. Yes I’m sad and I don’t understand why, in a way I’m dreading tomorrow too but I know my family and friends will cheer me up and fill me with love.
I know how much my friends and family love me and want to see me happy, they are all there for me and I can never totally explain how much that means to me! So depression I’m going to do my best to forget about you tomorrow and put on a performance that I’m happy. I won’t let others see what you are doing to me and spoil their Christmas and mine!
So if you like me are feeling like this today it’s OK, you aren’t alone! And if you want to stay in bed all day you do that, you can be in control of what you want to do! Others may not understand and others may be talking and discussing you behind your back, but hey our lives must be so much more exciting and tasty to feed off than there own! They’re actually the ones I feel sorry for!
Like my friend told me you don’t have to be happy at Christmas, it’s OK! I can always be happy next Christmas.
So I won’t end this with a Merry Christmas, I’ll end it with a Bah Humbug and let’s hope next one we can think together that it’s a happier one!